Just the other day, a post came onto my Facebook newsfeed. It was from an organization that partners with the church to help foster strong and positive leadership. I won’t mention the name of the organization, nor will I give the exact details of the message they were promoting, but what I saw caused me to have some concern…and some anxiety!
Now, let me be the first to say that this organization is extremely beneficial! This organization did not post this article to cause anyone anxiety – in fact – their point was to promote ways to avoid feelings of mental weakness. I believe that is very good thing to do – to help others to overcome what holds them back. But, I have some concerns about the way these points were presented.
First of all, I have issues with the terms “strength” or “weakness” being used with someone’s mental state. I have more trouble when that is promoted from within church culture. I will assume that this article is NOT discussing mental illness – a very serious and very real problem that can only be handled through medical and/or professional counselor intervention. What makes a person mentally “strong,” or mentally “weak?” As humans, are we all at one point on the graph-o-meter of “weakness to strength?” No, we are constantly in flux. Our day changes, second by second. It’s impossible to have the same “strength” for an extended period of time.
Compare mental strength to physical strength. Even those who are in the best physical shape have their “good days” and their “bad days.” To complicate matters, what is a “bad day” to someone may be someone else’s “best day” if we are talking about physical strength. If we only use ourselves as our own comparison, we see that our strength changes throughout the day – it never stays the same. Try this experiment: Take 2 cans of soup or veggies. Hold them straight out away from your body (like you are making a letter “t”). You’ll see soon enough that what started out as easy will end in exhaustion if you hold them as long as you can.
The second aspect that bothered me was the absolutist language. “People who are mentally strong don’t…” Well, that’s just plain untrue. Life is not a dichotomy of dos and don’ts. People don’t fit neatly into categories. We are human. The “strong” person today may be the person needing help tomorrow.
Third, I was plain upset that this article allowed no room for grieving, lament, fear, or feelings of being cheated. Why is a person considered “weak” for grieving over the anniversary of a loved one’s death, though that death may have happened years ago? Is that weakness, or is that love? Why is a person considered “when” change is coming faster than he or she can process it and he or she feels fear? We can both embrace and fear change. We don’t have to pick one feeling over the other. Why is a person “weak” who laments the things of the past? The last time I checked my Bible, there is a whole Book called Lamentations. And it’s dedicated (basically) to lamenting over a temple. I’m not trying to trivialize the Temple, but rather to say that people lament – Get over it! Quit making them feel guilty!
So, what is the solution? The article did present very good points. I can’t argue with the basic overall points of the article, except to say that it is unrealistic to expect anyone who is being honest to feel those ways all the time. It is possibly damaging to those who are struggling because this article alienates those among us who are feeling “weak.”
I would suggest the following as a solution: First of all, rather than using absolutist language, change it to language that suggests patterns of “strong” people. For example, “Strong people usually…” Second, I would make sure to distinguish between “weakness” and Mental Illness (including, but not limited to depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, phobias, and so forth). I would make sure to point out that Mental Illness is real and requires professional help and there is no shame in seeking that help! Fourth, I would suggest that there be resources for “strength.” What I got from this article is that I am a “weak” person. That is not true! Given what I have gone through and what I am currently dealing with, I am very strong! I am having to rely on my support system more than usual. But that’s what a support system is intended for. This article should have suggested the use of a support system and how to form one – friends, family, doctors, clergy, etc. Finally, I would suggest that the article be clear that all people go through “ups and downs” in life. This is normal and to be expected! If Jesus experienced it, why should we feel immune?
Self-help is a good and beneficial tool, but it is just that – a tool. When self-help is portrayed as an “absolute,” it becomes problematic. God put us in this world to be in community. We are to rely on one another and we are to rely on God. We have feelings. Yes, negative feelings can be destructive, but we still have them. We can’t just erase them. We can learn to deal with them, and we can learn to minimize their damage to our lives. We can’t, however, always be a “strong” or “weak” person. We will always be on the sliding scale between the two. This is why we need God’s help and the help of our community and support system to help us in life’s journey.
